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Cats And Dogs
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* March 04, 2009, 05:05:19 AM
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing
a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not
a racetrack. Racing
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me
doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized
bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping
on the couch to
ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can
actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep
to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also
know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out on
the other end to maximize space is nothing but
For the last time, there is no secret exit from
the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get
the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn
the knob or get your
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door.
I must exit through
the same door I entered. Also, I have been using
the bathroom for years
- canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first,
then go smell the
other dog or cat's bum. I cannot stress this


(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the
furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are
adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't
speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids

because they
(1) eat  less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college.


March 04, 2009, 08:54:05 AM
Oh how true -

Anyone in this tyoe of relationship knows who is really the pet and who the owner.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2009, 09:49:55 AM by thebrian »